Salut les amis! Pour ressusciter le blog, pratiquer le fudjiwak et le développer, j'ai décidé de traduire la parodie de Twilight en fudjiwak. C'est assez long alors j'ai pas fini, mais je vous invite à en faire un bout si vous avez du temps. Juste avec ce que j'ai fait, j'ai dû ajouter une bonne trentaine de mots! On est pas loins de 700 en passant, on lâche pas!
KRISTEN STEWART manj u FORKS, WASHINGTON.
KRISTEN STEWART goes to FORKS, WASHINGTON.
KRISTEN STEWART
Yalio tseva, wokialo turboan ale iok restasluchalo Stephenie Meyer, oups resuslach Kristen Stewart. Sok reso osan turbo nim turbo-odil banitoo wok dal niatnocal ni Arizona, en sok evomali u Washington rof wokyal noc ylis papo, iok reso lotatan chop le wok pwet.
Once upon a time, there lived an enchanting girl named Stephenie Meyer, er I mean Kristen Stewart. She was so awesome that her awesomeness couldn’t be contained in Arizona, so she moved to Washington to stay with her father, who was totally lame and not cool.
BILLY BURKE
He evsani. Cro res aes chop. Cro iobali toto u pok, siam les res lotatan wokpwet nemoc cro res lotatan wokpwet.
Hey honey. I’m super lame. I got you a car, but it’s totally uncool because I’m totally uncool.
KRISTEN STEWART
Malam Papo, fu resilesep. Les res oloj rof cro fukan luba u wenan lecoe. Sanim doto reuslach li wiktoeal puk fukian wokdama res peamocan ceyer, cro rial nim cro tsumalu edural res woklisanan wenan ale litun cro mos resilep nim frupal cro acerp.
Thanks Dad, or whatever. Time for my first day at a new school. Since every coming-of-age story requires the main character be a social outcast, I suppose I’ll have to endure being the unpopular new girl until I do something that proves my worth.
KRISTEN manj lecoe le sok res NATSINAN LISAN LE EVSANI.
KRISTEN goes to school and is INSTANTLY POPULAR AND BELOVED.
ANNA KENDRICK
Oh cro ani cro sane pok olep pok res osan bob puf pok res cro wenan rojeman mua?
Oh my God I love your hair you’re so pretty will you be my new best friend?
GREGORY TYREE BOYCE
Banito cro varpal noc pok aluba sanim pok res osan turbo?
Can I take you out sometime since you’re so awesome?
MICHAEL WELCH
Wokwatil fudjian puf, cro lyali sok ni fukan!
No way you asshole, I saw her first!
KRISTEN STEWART
Cro epeale siyal "The Messengers" nim varpal noc pak. Rofqwat kesluchale pak u Anna tapi?
I’d rather watch “The Messengers” than date either of you. Why don’t you go ask Anna instead?
ANNA KENDRICK
Oh cro ani cro ile ceyera li Kristen les res osan turbo!
Ohmigod I’m getting Kristen’s rejects that’s so awesome!
KRISTEN STEWART
Wow. Cro roal nim res les nim rubal qwan galian dormia li woklisan giban ale dal risi le sodacali loc rojemiebalan eris. Cro rialo nim shunrisan wokdamaa tsumalo ile luadeca.
Wow. I guess this is what it looks like when the unpopular fat girl’s pathetic daydreams get written down and published into a bestselling book. Aren’t well-written characters supposed to have flaws?
ANNA KENDRICK
Luadeca? Oh, an... Cro roal nim crak banitoe slachal nim pok res fuklitan sames tiaf le turbo. Siam cro les aedal wok. Crak wokaedial les?
Flaws? Oh, well, um, I suppose you could argue that you’re a little TOO perfect and amazing. But I don’t think so. Let’s make out.
Nedus, ROBERT PATTINSON artenal. Naco-odil li sok le sok lymi caheral woklyalan evola tran aeslacha loc lyalitac caheral woktobalan evola.
Suddenly, ROBERT PATTINSON enters. The paleness of him and his family members reach blinding levels while the squeals in the movie theater reach deafening levels.
KRISTEN STEWART
Qwi res albinoan Wolverine?
Who’s the albino Wolverine?
ANNA KENDRICK
Oh, sok? Les res Robert. Sok res rapdotoan siconali omon saman bob alo li lecoe, siam sok varpal noc dâma nemoc nuka ale res ocasan shun rof sok.
Oh, him? That’s Robert. He’s universally acknowledged as the hottest boy in school but he doesn’t date anyone because no girl is good enough for him.
KRISTEN STEWART
Nuka ale res ocasan shun rof sok? Cusaa nim timada yama retval ti lubaa...
No girl is good enough for him? Man, the excuses closested homosexuals come up with these days…
KRISTEN tisal lib ROBERT, iok asi rimvoal ni sok toncha le eval lecoe rof fuk kin. Fisubian, sok mocbakal.
KRISTEN sits next to ROBERT, who nearly vomits in his mouth and leaves school for a week. Eventually, he returns.
KRISTEN STEWART
He, fû manji pok? Nemoc pok res aeses chagra noc cro, cro dal tracali sej pok.
Hey, where did you go? Because you are exceedingly mean to me, I find myself attracted to you.
ROBERT PATTINSON
Les comin papoan suisa, giban krishna Moomoo.
Sounds like textbook daddy issues, you fat cow.
KRISTEN STEWART
(swoon)
ROBERT PATTINSON
Pok ile woktoan fureb li tunu pas pok.
You have a bright career as a stripper ahead of you.
ROBERT le KRISTEN nitnocal li noctacal wok le ile wok madsi nocama.
ROBERT and KRISTEN continue not quite interacting with each other and having no chemistry together.
KRISTEN STEWART
He, pok ayia tomal roloc li bob u aesbob. Qwat rubal?
Hey, your eyes are changing color from gorgeous to ultragorgeous. What’s going on?
ROBERT PATTINSON
Wi, pok ilei cro. Cro tacalo omon puf nemoc cro woksluchan lotatan sane pok.
Alright, you got me. I was acting like a jerk because I secretly totally love you.
KRISTEN STEWART
Fobrus! Les kselpinal isa rofqwat feje li chumama li football tacalo omon sok gratchao Stephenie Meyer!
Of course! This also explains why the captain of the football team always acted like he hated Stephenie Meyer!
ROBERT PATTINSON
Yali sam. Cro puk va pok.
There’s more. I want to eat you.
KRISTEN STEWART
Pijonan tonchien, irse? Cro tsumal manj u cayla le wokolepal ref, siam...
Holy shit, really? I need to go home and do some waxing first, but…
ROBERT PATTINSON
Wok, cro resuslachal irsean va pok. Cro res vaama.
No, I mean literally eat you. I’m a vampire.
KRISTEN STEWART
Hmm. Puaj es nim cro rial pok res mar pok trobal cro ni pu nilt noc lapsi fitia li na 70a.
Hmm. The only way I will believe you is if you carry me up a mountain using special effects from the 70’s.
Sok les MOS.
He DOES.
KRISTEN STEWART
Pok irsean res vaama! Atil les resuslachal nim ewac, picoa le shulareshna pogun pok?
You really are a vampire! Does that mean that garlic, stakes, and sunlight kill you?
ROBERT PATTINSON
Wok res pok puf. Doto les res chum sames terapan rof ti litac. Res vaama puajan resuslachal nim cro ile tualbanitô. Les res omon res Spiderman, siam buban. Cro isa kleal loc shulareshna.
Don’t be stupid. All of that lore is far too interesting for this movie. Being a vampire just means I get superpowers. It’s like being Spiderman, but sexier. Also, I sparkle in the sunlight.
KRISTEN STEWART
En res rofqwat pok lymi evomali sawi, nemoc les res tus wokbo!
So that’s why why your family moved here, because it’s always overcast!
ROBERT PATTINSON
Res irse doto damaa; ti litac puajan res fukfuk huni tupes rof hihi rus dondin ciolon.
That’s right everyone, this whole movie is a 2-hour-long setup for a joke about the Pacific Northwest.
KRISTEN STEWART
En mar pok res nusgun, qwat esga ile pok?
So if you’re immortal, how old are you anyway?
ROBERT PATTINSON
Sam nim fok, siam rof res puogo, cro refiali sam wokto jila li ti oloj robal rus cro olep.
Over a hundred, but to be fair I’ve spent most of that time working on my hair.
Sak SIYAL sak loc ayi noc WOKTUABAN GIBNALP rof 80% li teste li litac.
The two of them GAZE into each other’s eyes with UNCOMFORTABLY HUGE CLOSEUPS for 80% of the rest of the movie.
DUMA, ATOLA LI KRISTEN
KRISTEN samdomal le verual ROBERT iok siyal sok.KRISTEN wakes up to find ROBERT watching her sleep.
KRISTEN STEWART
Pijonan pôochi tonchien! Mar pok wok reso isa bub cro moso tsopal pok! Ecin qwan pok mos les?Holy fucking shit! If you weren’t so hot I’d have you arrested! How long have you been doing this?
ROBERT PATTINSON
Fukfuk sema.2 months.
KRISTEN STEWART
Siam cro risival sawi ecin fuk sem noles tseka.But I’ve only lived here one month according to the script.
ROBERT PATTINSN
Ok, tseka dali ris ni 6 kina. Wok tsoal pok u tonchien omon les.Yeah, the script was written in six weeks. Don’t get hung up on shit like that.
KRISTEN STEWART
Oh. Enm isaloj tran nim pok res sawi cro roal nim crac banito eleal.Oh. Well, as long as you’re here I guess we could have sex.
ROBERT PATTINSON
Wok, cro wok banito eleal noc pok! Cro rese elbu li odeal cro! Cro najale pok le tomale pok ni vaama! Cro isa letubabal nosp, en cro tsumale bal 50 momoa.No, I can’t have sex with you! I’d be unable to control myself! I’d bite you and turn you into a vampire! Also I ejaculate boiling venom, so I’d need to wear like fifty condoms.
KRISTEN STEWART
Tiewal, crac wok banito eleal nus, le pok wok banito robertal cro oro? Kwik crac banito mos vaama litac woknoc dama robertal oro?Wait, we can’t have sex at all, and you can’t suck my blood? How can you make a vampire movie without anyone sucking blood?
ROBERT PATTINSON
Res wi, cro aedal nim ti litac ajed ile ocas robert.It’s alright, I think this movie already has more than enough sucking.
BILLY BURKE is cleaning his gun and drinking a beer while listening to country music.
KRISTEN STEWART
Papo, cro samua mubalu kopal cro. Iotral li wok comin puf pas sok.Dad, my boyfriend is coming over to pick me up. Try not to get dork all over him.
BILLY BURKE
Wi, telmal cro retobal sok ruf litac mos fik nolik hihi li litacan istrud rus evitesan papoa wok sane samuaa.Okay, let me meet him after the movie makes the film industry’s ten billionth joke about protective fathers disliking boyfriends.
KRISTEN STEWART
Wi. Oh le sok isa res vaama li 100 naa, en wok pok slachal yanoan resilesep rus vaamaa, wi?Alright. Oh and also he’s a 100-year-old vampire, don’t say anything racist about vampires, okay?
ROBERT PATTINSON
Odelo mokso. Res inapi retobal pok. Kristen slachali nolse ida rus pok nemoc pok res isa gali.Hello, sir. It’s a pleasure to meet you, Kristen has said absolutely nothing about you because you’re so lame.
BILLY BURKE
En cro tobali slachal nim pok res fok naa. Le terapali u cro ale ni 17 naa. En, etamotican slachal, res omon, qwat, 40 naa dama qwi varpal noc 6 naa dama?So I hear you’re a 100 years old. And interested in my 17-year-old daughter. So, mathematically that’s like, what, a 40-year-old dating a 6-year-old?
ROBERT PATTINSON
Ummmmmmmm...Ummmmmmmm…
BILLY BURKE
Ok, en cro mua Chris Hansen revital pok u tisal puajan sawi.Yeah, so my friend Chris Hansen would like you to have a seat right over here.
KRISTEN STEWART
Papo, pok sermubal cro asi isaloj nim cro puja! Cro puajan manj u sok cayla rof va noc sok lymi. Cro resu mocbakal ref 11 hunia, foc chagra vaamaa pogun cro, fobrus.Dad, you’re embarrassing me almost as much as my acting! I’m just going over to his house to have dinner with his family, I’ll be back before 11. Unless the ravenous vampires murder me, of course.
BILLY BURKE
Wi, puajan ekal ti evroco yeye noc pok. Res iralian numi nim cro banoti mos rof cro odalian ale.Alright, just bring this pepper spray with you. It’s literally the very least I can do to offer it to my teenage daughter.
KRISTEN STEWART
Papoooo! Tsopal res isa gali, cro wok les delobal!Daaaaad! Stop being such a loser, I don’t need this!
BILLY BURKE
Irsean? Wok resi pok asi peowal rap fukfak aloa samno ni litac?Really? Weren’t you almost raped by four guys earlier in the movie?
KRISTEN STEWART
Ok, siam cro ile samua won, en les resuslachal nim cro sam delobal res pepoden o sypan elbu li mos resilesep doto puaj. FUDJI!Yeah but I have a BOYFRIEND now, which means I no longer have to be independent of physically capable of doing anything on my own. GOD!
ROBERT le KRISTEN manj tirual LYMIAN GIBCAYLA li ROBERT loc iomed li dowo, nemoc fobrus, SYATNAFAN ALO tsum res aesocerpo, isa.
ROBERT and KRISTEN go to visit ROBERT’S FAMILY MANSION in the middle of the woods, because of course the FANTASY MALE should be rich, too.
LOC KLASAN GIBCAYLA
INT. GLASS MANSION
KRISTEN retobal VAAMAN LYMI LI ROBERT
KRISTEN meets ROBERT’S VAMPIRE FAMILY.
KRISTEN STEWART
Ani, ti rugal res sam naco li nios li famir li Anne Rice. U woksam, les ruepal wok usa.
Jesus, this place is paler than an Anne Rice book signing event. At least it doesn’t smell as bad.
PETER FACINELLI
Shumanj u crak hihian aesocerpoan cayla. Cro res papoan guri li ti lymi nemoc res cro iok tomali sak ni vaamaa. Yali brutsidan resilesep loc aed nim cro puajan tomali odaliana ni vaamaa, siam renogial les.Welcome to our ridiculously expensive home. I’m the father figure of this family because I’m the one who turned them all into vampires. There’s something disturbing about the idea that I’ve only turned teenagers into vampires, but let’s ignore that.
KRISTEN STEWART
Wow, pak res osan lib. Qwat kerudal ti lymi tojun osan shun?Wow, you guys are so close. What keeps this family together so well?
PETER FACINELLI
Les res hahah nim pok kesluchal. Cro sluchalu pok li Tnuc Joseph Von Smith. Aluba, vaama tasluchal Moeonul reapali u sok le slachali li verual ti roan picoa ryubal loc nifco...Funny you should ask. Let me tell you about Count Joseph Von Smith. One day a vampire named Moronula appeared to him and told him to find these golden stakes buried in a coffin…
NIKKI REED
Les nual, papo. En, Kristen, tsum yali resilesep irsean lapsi buta pok rof nim Robert sane pok usan le kimtal wokyaa li doto sok lymi. Sluchal u crak li pok.Knock it off, dad. So, Kristen, there must be something really special about you for Robert to take such a liking to you and risk the lives of his entire family. Tell us about yourself.
KRISTEN STEWART
Cro? Oh, wok. Cro res puajan sawi rof nim dotoan odalian alea ni ecidua tejorpal sak damaodil rus cro. Raptran, cro les ile wok u cro.
Me? Oh, no. I’m just a hollow placeholder for all of the teenage girls in the audience to project their personalities onto. I have none of my own whatsoever.
NIKKI REED
Oh. An qwat sane pok mos loc wokya?Oh. Well what do you like to do for fun?
KRISTEN STEWART
Rusdoto ramufal pot rus cro noclab pas paparazzia. Le pak?
Mostly smoke pot on my porch in front of the paparazzi. What about you guys?
PETER FACINELLI
Vaaman baseball.
Vampire baseball.
KRISTEN STEWART
Ha ha, wok, seiasan.
Ha ha, no seriously.
PETER FACINELLI
Irsean. Vaaman baseball. Crak ile omi omiapora. Puk pok manj siyal crak pujar?
Really. Vampire baseball. We even have uniforms. Want to come watch us play?
KRISTEN STEWART
Niwos, luan resep rus Errita nim cro fu trota naesan dama sanee siyal res vaaman baseball, siam rofqwat wok?Actually as it happens the very last thing on Earth I or any other sane person would want to watch is vampire baseball, but go ahead.
Sak pujar vaaman baseball, iok comin isan puf nim les cial rof dotoan aloa ni ecidua. Puja tracal otogon li chagragran vaamaa, iok irsean mos rota li resepa nim vaamaa tusmale mos, omon pôochian pogun chopan krishnamaa. Fuk li sak, CAM GIGANDET, ecitonal KRISTEN.
They play vampire baseball, which looks exactly as stupid as it sounds to all of the males in the audience. The game attracts the attention of some EVIL VAMPIRES, who actually do the type of shit vampires are supposed to, like fucking kill boring humans. One of them, CAM GIGANDET, notices KRISTEN.
CAM GIGANDET
Oh nam, res comin shun, les tealu pok?Oh man, that looks great, are you gonna finish that?
ROBERT PATTINSON
Tseral loc li sok, fu cro lymi tsumalu pogun pok. Nimos, crak tsumalu sishal u pok omon fakan-naa iok retimoal Dracula, le san pogun pok.Stay away from her or my family will have to kill you. Specifically, we’ll have to hiss at you like fifth graders pretending to be Dracula, and then kill you.
CAM GIGANDET
Pogun, eh? Qwat boban lymian ytivica. Cro lymi lamonan pujar Scrabble.Murder, eh? That’s one hell of a family activity. My family usually just plays scrabble.
PETER FACINELLI
Lymi iok pogun tojun, tseral tojun.The family that slays together, stays together.
CAM iotral va KRISTEN. Munan salieralan enesc li noitac walal, le fisubian sok dal teabal.
CAM tries to eat KRISTEN, a poorly directed action sequence ensues, and eventually he is defeated.
PETER FACINELLI
Kristen gal dali najal! Sok bokebalu vaama loc resi etunia, selun pok robert nosp! Cro banito wok les mos rof woknokan nosear.Kristen’s been bitten! She’ll be turned into a vampire within minutes unless you suck the venom out! I can’t do it for some reason or another.
ROBERT PATTINSON
Sanim eris rus qwat les res esabal res Mormonan adangapop rof netesal, le ororobertal res foretame rof eie, qwat les chaeral caxetan?Since the whole novel this is based on is just Mormon propaganda for abstinence and bloodsucking is a metaphor for sex, what exactly is this advocating?
PETER FACINELLI
Siyal, doto nim cro ilal res nim, omi mar les resu AES RUD, pok tsumalu ERITERAL pok li sok ref CLIMAX. Climax li litac, fobrus.Look, all I know is that even though it’s going to be REALLY HARD, you’re just going to have to PULL OUT of her before CLIMAX. The climax of the movie, I mean.
Sok les MOS. Les res aes WOKTEMMOCAN.
He DOES. It’s very DISSATISFYING.
LOC LATIPO
INT. HOSPITAL
KRISTEN samdomal ni latipo, le ROBERT samdomal ruf sok.
KRISTEN wakes up in the hospital, and ROBERT wakes up after her.
KRISTEN STEWART
Cro aedalo nim vaamaa domalo nus.I thought vampires never slept.
ROBERT PATTINSON
Tseka. Fakfuk kina. Pok aedial?Script. Six weeks. Remember?
KRISTEN STEWART
Wi. An, malam rof evasal cro wokya ruf les gal kimtal ni revital cro loc pok otagonan odnum. Crak manj u morp tojun.Right. Well, thanks for saving my life after endangering it by inviting me into your dangerous world. Let’s go to the prom together.
ROBERT PATTINSON
Niwos, cro aedal nim les rese rojem mar crak crunchale. Rof kerudal pok ni ytirukes.Actually, I think it would be better if we broke up. To keep you safe.
KRISTEN STEWART
Li vaamaa?From vampires?
ROBERT PATTINSON
Wok, li res tsatipe rofrus qwan ti eires dal teal. Cro res futu, siam les res wok sames drat rof pok.No, from being typecast forever after this series is done. I’m screwed, but it’s not too late for you.
KRISTEN STEWART
Wok. Wok, pok banito eveal cro. Nus. Litritnatim qwat rubal. Crak tsumal res tojun rofrus le rus le rus.No. No, you can’t ever leave me. Never. No matter what. We must be together forever and ever and ever.
ROBERT PATTINSON
Pijonan tonchier, pok res ellocan woknaesan ingrid. Banitores nim crak ile cominirsean niotale li odaliania ruf doto.Holy shit, you’re a clingy psychotic bitch. Maybe we have a realistic high school relationship after all.
Sak tseral tojun le manj u MORP.
They stay together and go to the PROM.
KRISTEN STEWART
Cro puk nim pok tomal cro ni vaama, rof nim cro res noc pok, omi mar les resuslachal ecifircasal cro wokya li gunan.I want you to make me a vampire so that I can be with you, even if it means sacrificing my own life as a mortal.
ROBERT PATTINSON
En, texenan tanerega li wokdolan alea potacal rus litac rap alean salireim, noc alean rotacim, esabali rus eris rap alean ritevim, le loc ti litac, fukian wokdama puk mokebal timusali le esifircasal sok rof alo.So, the next generation of young women is currently flocking to see a female lead starring in a movie by a female director based on a bestselling book by a female author, and in this movie the main character wants to become completely submissive and self-sacrificing for a male.
KRISTEN STEWART
Cro sane pok. Renonal biba loc cro.I love you. Put a baby in me.
ROBERT PATTINSON
U woksa, fukfukfuk trotan erisa banito wok res sam sanewokalean le wokinapialan.At least the other three books can’t possibly be more misogynistic and depressing.
Sak les RES.
They ARE.
FA
END
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